‘ACTINGS’ AND MURPHY’S LAW

In the Tea industry, when the Manager of an estate goes on annual leave (for six weeks)his 'second-in-command' has to move into the former's official residence - bags, baggage and spouse in tow! This is called an 'Acting' because, for those six weeks, he is the 'Acting Manager'.

Murphy’s Law is especially true of ‘Actings’. For those who aren’t familiar with it, Murphy’s Law says, “ Anything that can go wrong, will!” I am speaking, of course, from the lady’s point of view.
I have had the most unbelievable experiences, involving the most incredible conversations with poker-faced ‘bagaals’ (cowherds)and extremely dignified Burra Bearers, all related to cows, and specifically their breeding problems. Of course, cows had to come on heat during an ‘Acting’ and on the very day when no transport was available to take the cow to the bull or vice versa. If transport was somehow organized, and the needful done, the well-deserved sigh of relief was cut short by the respectful report that the ‘deed’ wasn’t! Either the cow was acting coy for some reason, or the bull was patently uninterested! Try telling your poor, harassed husband that it had all been in vain!
I’ve had cows going off their food (Why, for heaven’s sake? It’s the same old food!), cows falling sick just when the vet is unavailable, cows dying for no apparent reason and cows calving at odd hours. I have even played mid-wife to a cow! The glow of satisfaction after this achievement was somewhat dimmed when I saw my spotted face in the mirror. Horrified, I realized I had been royally bitten by midges and mosquitoes during the delivery. No prizes for guessing what comes next….Yes, a visitor was expected for breakfast. I slapped on the Calamine lotion, then washed it off and camouflaged the spots as best as I could. The guest left in rather a hurry. I thought he had a plane to catch, but my husband said the poor man must have thought I had measles or some other nasty, infectious disease!
Some Burra Bungalow servants seem to think that ‘Acting’ time is ‘Acting Up’ time! I have been on tenterhooks on many occasions, because the Head Bearer would be drunk while serving the meal. Just twenty minutes back, he had been all right, but in the interim, he had nipped across to his quarters just behind the bungalow, and taken a mighty swig! His dignified demeanour would be in total contrast to the dangerous angle of the tray, ready to drop everything into the guest’s lap, or the symphony played by the crockery and cutlery as his hands shook with the DTs or whatever! The excuses they thought up for their going absent would make a scriptwriter applaud with admiration. I never knew one person could have so many grandparents or that they could die so many times.. and then be resurrected! Lazarus had nothing on them!
During one ‘Acting’, I had to count the chickens each evening once they returned to the coop, because the servants were in the habit of helping themselves whenever they had ‘Gotia’(guests). Believe me, they led hectic social lives! Then there was the ‘bagaal’ who drank up half the milk and added water to make up the difference. I knew Jersey cows’ milk was thin, but this was ridiculous! The worst occasion was when none of the cows got ‘enciente’, but the unmarried ayah did!
I have had my every move reported to the Burra Memsahib, including what I ate and how I spent my time. Thank God, my favourite pastime is reading and I lead a reasonably blameless life!
One Burra Memsahib kept a beautiful compound. Most do, of course, but this compound looked absolutely fabulous with its profusion of flowers and shrubs. Early one morning, even before my morning ‘cuppa’, I was aghast to find a group of strangers, armed with cameras, strolling around and taking photographs! One young couple were even posing for rather nauseatingly coy pictures, which was a bit much to take on an empty stomach! The 'Mali' was happily showing everyone around! I sent the bearer to find out who these people were. Apparently, they had been travelling by bus on the highway, when they happened to notice this beautiful garden. So, they had decided to break journey, and take a closer look! Luckily, they had not plucked any flowers or done any other damage. Tactfully, I sent them on their way! I suppose they were a change from those who broke journey at that particular bungalow to use the amenities! Many a time had I quickly changed into something decent to greet the ‘guests’, only to find that they had already ‘been’ and left!
Going back to Murphy’s Law, anything marked ‘unbreakable’ or which has adorned the same niche for months on end and been dusted by the very same servants, will be broken during an ‘Acting’. How that happens is one of Life’s mysteries.
A beloved pet will fall critically ill, or die during an ‘Acting’, leaving the Acting Manager and his wife feeling distinctly guilty, even though they know it is not their fault, and that they have done all they can for the animal.
I could go on and on… Living in someone else’s house and looking after someone else’s animals and belongings, is a great responsibility. If one does not know the people well enough, it can be a daunting prospect. Having experienced Murphy’s Law first hand, I can sympathize with all those in the ‘Acting’ stage…………….and thank God I’m out of it! Phew!